Hard Update

Some of my readers follow me on Facebook and know what I'm about to post about. Last few weeks were a year long that's for sure.

We went up to Fort Wayne for a doctor appointment on the 12th. It was an appointment for a cardio-thoracic surgeon to see if he would remove my broken xiphoid. He asked some questions and then told us when he does bypass on people some people have xiphoid's that just look like they will cause problems and he removes it to be safe. I said Great so will you remove mine. He said definitely. So what a relief! Surgery is scheduled for November 3rd. We ran by the house since we were in town. We had a fantastic visit with mom. She was so excited about my surgery and that it will finally be over. This time of year she panics about Christmas and what to get for us. I had some ideas and she was so excited about them. She was really coming to terms with we needed separation for a little bit. She understood we wanted to live at our cabin and then purchase a house. After a few years if her health declined we would move her in. She was at peace. 

Thursday morning at 6am I get a phone call. My mom was at the ER and they think she had a major heart attack. She talked to me on the phone. She told me stay here with my dog. He needed me. I listened. 6pm that night the doctor called. She had taken a turn for the worst. I needed to get there now. So we hurried up. They took her to emergency cath lab instead of waiting for the next day. 

We got there and waited. The doctor came out. Grabbed a chair and sat down with us. Not a good sign right? Right. She needed a triple bypass. They couldn't do it. Her heart was too badly damaged. She was on a heart balloon pump to keep her heart pumping. Also a list of other things started coming. Kidney failure. They had to put her on vent because of lung failure. They needed to do dialysis but again... She was too ill for it. I stayed the night Thursday right by her side. Friday more answers that were scary. Nothing they can do. Let's give her a few days to see if she can regain strength but they would shake their head. She was stable condition all weekend. Just Waiting. Monday morning the cardiologist team said there was no hope. She would have died Thursday if it wasn't for the machines. They would send in a palliative care team to ask some questions. Then the nurse said they were busy and they wouldn't get there till Tuesday. I said Wait we are leaving her till tomorrow for no reason? So the nurse said well she could ask me the same questions. They are just hard questions to hear. Did I know my mom's wishes? Yes. She wouldn't want to be kept alive by machines if there was no hope. Everyone there knew it too. 2 of mom's life time friends. So they started the process on unhooking her. It was a horrible process but I know it was what she wanted. That evening at 8:45 she went to be with her mom and dad.

My heart is broken in so many ways and yet at peace. Her health was really deteriorating so much lately. She knew she couldn't travel any more. She knew she was tired. She was in so much pain. So now she can rest and be pain free. I want to call her so bad. That part is the hardest. Jeremiah is having a hard time as well. They were inseparable most of his life. Waves of emotion. The viewing was Thursday the Funeral was Friday. It was beautiful. So much celebration. So many stories. She is being cremated and we will take some of her ashes to Hatteras lighthouse. Her favorite place in the world. We will be okay because our support system is just amazing. So much love. Plus a dear angel looking over us. Life is changing but I know we will be okay.

We have settled into our cabin permanently until we can afford a house. The housing market is insane. So we will get a better vehicle and save up money. We needed one thing to live here that we didn't have...

A mailbox. Now it's installed and we wait patiently or not so much for it to be setup and ready. Need to go do some paperwork tomorrow. A cousin came by last night and left something for us. How fun!!! The pride I have to be back in my home town zip code. Home at last. We love this community. 

I have been stitching when I could....

Finished the Witch Face...

 

Started the next one (2 left!) Ice Monster...

So much white on white. Look close. 

Wow....What an update. So hard to write. Love yourself. Love each other. Smile. Enjoy life. Do it while you can.